Six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. It wasn’t explosive or malicious. We didn’t fight or cheat or say things we would later regret. Instead, we sat down and had a reasonable discussion about how we still cared for each other but we no longer loved one another in the way we felt we ought to love our significant other. It may be the most grown up thing I have ever done.
We found separate apartments and divided our things. Obviously, I got the cats. He got the furniture (it was mostly his anyway.) I said goodbye to him and the life I had created during the early years of my adulthood. My first night in my new home I laid awake almost all night fantasizing about all of the new adventures that lay before me. I was down right giddy. And how could I not be?! Real Love was waiting for me, outside my window holding up a boom box in a trench coat. (Oh that’s just a bum who lives in my new neighborhood? Whatever, he could still be the man of my dreams!)
I joined just about every platform to meet men: Grindr, OkCupid, Tinder, Scruff… ok maybe not all of them (note: they’re all free, because I’m on a budget.) My ex started a serious relationship two weeks after we broke it off. No, we hadn’t moved out of the apartment we shared yet. No, that didn’t make me jealous. But, Yes, it did convince me that I was bound to find my Future Husband any day.
It’s six months later and I’m still single.
I jumped into the virtual and often real world of dating expecting to find the man of my dreams faster than my browser can play a Beyonce video, search a recipe for mac and cheese and post a clever Facebook status. Instead I’ve found a whole lot of malarky. Between the seriously awful guys, the uncomfortable first dates and, lest we forget, the series of rejections I’ve amassed a small volume of stories that I need to share with the world/my few friends who might offer me the courtesy of a read (and then a READ.) A handful of my friends have said I should write a book of all my dating disasters. First of all, I’m probably not that good of a writer. I don’t believe it was a serious suggestion but I thought it would be entertaining. Truth be told, I didn’t immediately take to Microsoft office because I was convinced I was going to meet Future Husband right away and didn’t want to invade our privacy by chronicling our early courtship online.
Part of this is a desperate attempt to get attention (and maybe some extra money from ads placed here.) The other more sincere part is my way of sharing my grief, processing the complicated nature of being a single gay twenty something (how do I survive?) and possibly opening up a conversation about the way we treat each other.
I’m still single. I’m actually ok with that. I actually like it. But what I need to remember is that real love, the one that you build with some one over years and years, the one that creates memories and families, takes time. So while I slowly walk the bumpy sidewalk of Singles Lane straight on to Future Husband’s home on Bliss Avenue (which I think is also the name of sexy lingerie store) I invite you to come tag along on my journey. (I will also accept date offers in the comment section.)
I feel really good about this.
(PS I really want to add GIFs to this but I haven’t figured it out. Please send help.)